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6
January 2001
it's
over.
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Last
night, this morning, i brought my year and a half long series, Box of
Bugs, to a close. It was a decision that i had flirted with for the
last 5 months or so, but i eventually came to understand that ending
the show was inevitable. I tried a few different things. I tried giving
it structure, i tried adding new people, i tried letting others do it
for me, i tried taking breaks, i tried letting there be no structure.
No matter what i tried, i never shook the feeling of dread on friday
afternoons as i started to realize that i would be spending my evening
at the station, taking calls from strangers, the most of which had nothing
to add but to call me "fag" (hey, if that fantasy helps you
out, buddy, then more power to you), i would sink into a sense of depression
and even anxiety.
Last
night as i was driving down MoPac towards the studio (normally i take
IH 35, but i had an errand to run before the show), i realized i was
filled with a sense of happiness. It was the first time i had been actually
looking forward to doing the show in months. But it wasn't the show
i was looking forward to... it was ending the show that put me in a
good mood. So i knew my decision had been made and i knew it was the
right decision. I gave my reasons why, but here they are again in case
you didn't see the show.
- It's
not fun anymore. Plain and simple, it's just not fun. Box of Bugs
has become a burden and it should never be a burden.
- There
is a lack of regard to safety from ACTV management (I'm tired of the
threats and the fact that nothing is done about them).
- the
quality of callers has diminished. The pranks are boring, the sincere
callers fewer and further between.
- I
don't feel that I'm in a position to give advice to anyone these days,
as I confront and wrestle with the issues in my own life.
- I'd
like to have my Friday nights free for going to hockey games, going
dancing, learning to ice skate, or just having it available in case
I find someone worth going out with.
I
want to tell everyone that it was always my pleasure to talk to you.
Well, those that had something serious to say or could make me laugh
and/or think. Despite what they may think of themselves, i was never
one to let the pranksters bother me. They have no self respect and they
weren't worth respecting, so why should i? As for the boys who constantly
have fantasized that i was gay for them, it really reveals a sad streak
of insecurity and a lack of confidence in each and all of them.
But
all of them have been overshadowed by the hundreds... maybe even thousands
of folk who called over the years to get things off of their chest,
to ask some questions, to answer some of mine, etc... I know i didn't
always give the best advice (who can), i wasn't always sympathetic to
the caller (it's hard to be sympathetic to a guy who wants to dump his
girlfriend just because he wants some fresh pussy), but i was always
sincere, i was always honest and i always tried to say the right thing,
even though it wasn't always what people wanted to hear.
In
my closing comments, i listed off some things to summarize the 8 year
experience of doing Catharsis, Red Herrings, Sex and Ice and Box of
Bugs. These were my comments:
- Be
more cynical. This sounds strange at first, but it's true. We're
simply not cynical enough. Here is a good example, there was this rumor
that Richard Gere sticks gerbils in his rectum. To this day, i still
meet people who honestly believe that. They have no proof, they have
no sort of documentation or reliable witness to the fact, but still
people will assume it must be true. So i say we, as Americans, we as
individuals, need to be more cynical.
People who say, "I'll vote for Bush (or whomever) if it means I'll
save just one dollar over the next 4 years." Need to be a LOT more
cynical.
For
the lemmings who watch these radical right "paranoia-is-patriotism"
shows that advocate intolerance, paranoia, half assed journalism,
ideological fascism and promote their and ONLY their point of view
as being valid, you gun toting lemmings need to be a whole lot more
cynical as to who is feeding you information and why you accept
it without question.
Be more cynical. Anyone who says their desire for violence
or bigotry is based on their religion, they are lying to themselves.
Be
more cynical. Anyone who equivocates their love for guns to
a holy, divine and/or God given right is simply a coward at heart.
There are few things, if any, in this world more dangerous than
a coward with firearms and a fanatical agenda.
Be
more cynical. For years and years and years, these "paranoia
as patriotism" shows have advocated the end of the world. They claim
your government is coming to take away your guns, your children
and your livelihood. Years ago, they proclaimed that the UN (or
whatever group it was that week), was coming in the year 2000 to
take over the streets of the USA. It never happened, but through
their merchandise (usually some half baked thought or two crammed
into a pulp propaganda paperback or 3rd generation, poorly researched
video), they made a profit off of you and your insecurities. Today,
they're still making money. They proclaim that The Illuminati, the
UN, the Girl Scouts, the Mexican Army, etc. is STILL coming. They
have lied and lied and lied to you until their paranoia is the only
thing left to validate their convictions. Everybody, it is time..
It is TIME to hold these cowards accountable. It is time
to question them for each of their unfounded claims and demand their
sources be revealed and scrutinized. It is time to reveal them for
who they are: insecure, uneducated rednecks who think the world
owes them because they're "victims". "Victims" in this case means,
"I'm too lazy and stupid to get an education and a job."
- Be
a culturejammer. a. You cannot have a market based consciousness and
still expect to have any integrity. Question advertisers. Question marketers.
Question the mindless consumption of goods as a substitute for a spiritual
void, or as a means to create a meaning for your life.
- Resist
monoculture. Disney is not culture. Nike is not culture. Image is not
culture. Drinking Starbucks is not culture. Driving an SUV on asphalt
all the time is not culture. Callouses on your hands ARE culture.
- If
an advertiser says it, it is probably a lie.
- Make
politicians and social leaders more accountable.
- Question
the wisdom of the "Wise Men".
- Question
the wisdom of your government
- Question
journalists who investigate events only, but never the underlying reasons
for those events.
- Be
more compassionate
- Be
more open minded
- Never
stop challenging your own beliefs.
- Learn
to appreciate Kim Chee.
- Learn
to appreciate Sushi.
- Learn
that macrobrew beers are bad. All of them; there are no exceptions.
- Learn
that "Lite" beer is just another word for, "diet beer"
- "Diet"
Cigarettes will not give you cleaner, healthier cancer.
- Teach
your children a language other than English. It will open more business
and social opportunities for them down the road.
- Learn
to appreciate the wind and the driving rain.
- Learn
to appreciate Jazz.
- Learn
to dance to, and dig House music.
- Learn
to appreciate Indian, Persian and Arabic music
- Always
strive to be more tomorrow than you are today.
- Always
shake hands as though it means something (it does)
-
Make eye contact with whomever you're speaking to
-
Learn to kiss with fire, desire and more depth than the ocean is wide.
-
If you're a woman, have the demeanor of an angel and fuck like a whore.
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If you're a man, live with passion and confidence and fuck like an animal.
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Learn to live your life in accordance with respect, love and happiness
and seek no ones approval but your own and those you love and respect.
I'll
write more later.
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