8 january 2000 :: I should learn to sleep through the beatings

It wasn't much of a friday night. The Stars were throughly beaten by the Canucks. Oh well, credit goes where credit is due. Garth Snow came up big for the Canucks and frankly Dallas was playing like they were all borderline comatose. It really pisses me off to see them playing below their abilities. But anyways....

I have very much enjoyed the weather lately. I don't know if it's a "me" thing or if everyone feels this way, but i find myself much more at peace with the world when it's raining. The grey blanket that has enveloped and swallowed central Texas is a welcome contrast to the sunny days that we've had. Oh sure, most people will bellyache about the "horrible weather", (as if they're going to go anywhere but the gawdamned mall),and truth be told my favorite days are when it's cold, crisp and sunny. BUT it's been dry lately and the forecast is that it's going to be a dry year. And rain is life.

Besides, i will be moving to the Northwest in the future so if i don't like this weather, i best figure it out now.

I hadn't been getting much sleep this last week so i found myself glazing over while trying to read something at about 11.30 or so. Early by my standards, esp. for a friday night. I was able to finally get to bed about 12.30 or so. I tried to relax enough to doze off, but to no avail. Too much on my mind and the neighbors dog was yammering. The weight of the day gradually started slipping from my grasp as i was drifting in and out of the world of sleep when i hear the guy next door come out and start profusely beating his dog.

It's hard to sleep when your blood is boiling and let me tell you, deliberate cruelty for the sake of self indulgence is one of the things that pisses me off more than anything else in this world. I don't know much about dog psychology, but i do know that they're pack animals. All they need is for someone to demonstrate that they're in control of the "pack" and dogs will respond appropriately. Beating an animal is akin to beating a child.

Okay. I'll stop now before i start ranting.

So i hadn't had any sleep and i found myself surfing. I came across this gem.[this link is now dead]. Oh look. She put a little " :o) " on her comments! That makes her soooo cute now! Cute enough to tiddyfuck, that is. And judging from her inability to punctuate, i'd say she's pretty bright. Just bright enough to tiddyfuck. And while that was good for a laugh, i found a story that reaffirmed my conviction that having children is a waste of time, money, energy and life. Read this story [this link is now dead] that might help you decide to get a vasectomy or tubal ligation.

I have been asking and asking the HR department where i work if a vasectomy is covered, but they won't get back to me on it. Sigh...

Sleep finally came to me at 2.30 in the morning and the alarm clock came 4 and a half hours later. I had to take my roommate to the airport. It was my first time to Bergstrom. Okay, i'm about to make a kneejerk comment, but i was very pleased with navigating the airport. The road was wide enough, things were clearly marked and had it not been for the 10 mph driving bubba in the truck in front of me who would come to a complete stop when he felt like it, it would have been perfect. I guess i'll know more about how i feel about Bergstrom this spring when i take a vacation to Portland or Seattle. I have been told by someone that i should to go Tokyo while the airfares are low. Sigh... she's right, but i don't know enough japanese to get around.

I also have 4 new plastic Pokemon on my windowsill: Polywhirl, Gengar, Snorlax and Abra. They're cute and they keep watch over the room when i'm not here. Well, not Snorlax or Abra. Snorlax is always snoozing and Abra just sits there; arms folded and eyes closed. What an asshole.

Tonights topic is going to be Polyamory. I've been on the periphery of the poly community off and on for the last few years. It fascinates me in theory, but most of the people i've known who are self proclaimed "Poly's" are low self esteem, spiritually void people who use Polyamory as a lame excuse to hide the fact that they cannot maintain their fragile egos unless it's supported by a steady intake of fucking more than one person.

As for myself, a Poly relation isn't something i actively seek, but i do confess that the social indoctrination... the social programming if you will, generally demands that monogomy is the only acceptable form of a relationship. This does nothing but create an environment where jealousy runs rampant, where people have to create lies to seek out fufillment where they're not getting it from their partner and frankly, culturally mandated monogomy is bad for the gene pool, it's bad for the emotions and it's conformist. Humans are not monogomous creatures. There are only a handful of animals in the world that are. Some maritime animals and some higher birds such as some parrots are. The rest of the animal world (and believe it or not, humans are animals) need the genetic variety of multiple partners to ensure a stronger generation than the one that came before it.

Now i'm getting in Rant Mode©. Sorry.

It comes down to this: We each have a responsibility to question the social programming that we each let ourselves become subjected to. You do not have to fall in love and "live happily ever after" with one and only one person of the opposite sex. You do not have to always find the opposite sex attractive. A marriage does not have to be validated by creating breedlings (offspring, spawn, cubs, etc...). On the other hand, it is okay to fall in love with only one person and spend the rest of your life with them. It is okay to have kids if you're mature enough to do so... But ultimately, it is NOT acceptable to blindly live your life without questioning the world around you. It is NOT acceptable to despise anyone because they walk a different path than you (eg: loving someone of the same sex) or because they understand that love is not an experience that you can share with one and one person only at a time.

And it goes without stating that it is NOT okay to be in your 30's and listening to Foreigner, Journey, Grand Funk Railroad or jamming to "the hits of the 60's", "the hits of the 70's" or "the hits of the 80's". Grow up and smell the 21st century, folks.

Oh. Side note time. My roommate and i were talking today. He was remembering how the Austin City Council recently made a push to rid south Austin of the adult establishments, especially the "theatres" which should really be called, "Whackin Shaks". But anyways he was saying that the council basically was ridding the city of these places, not because of some sort of moral directive, but because they wanted to make south austin more palatable to gentrification. So which is better for your neighborhood? A place for people to get their erotic fix, then leave, or clusters of soulless Starbucks, Taco Bells and 7-11's that are constantly attracting vagrants, kids and higher property taxes? Think about it.

 

 

9 january 2000 :: This space has yet to be proven true

Well what a mediocre show. Of all the calls i took, only one of them was from an active poly (a woman that i could barely hear). Sure, there were lots of people who had an opinion on what THEY thought Polyamory was, but they were generally misinformed or just plain ignorant of the true meaning. I was suprised at how much outrage i received from people (mostly guys of course) who felt i was promoting adultery or that polys cannot be capable of loyalty (as if all hetero, mainstream marriages are above such things) and that polys are somehow equivalent to immorality. This last arguement was made by some Bible spouting hick who failed to remember that the Bible also teaches us that King Solomon had plenty of wives and that among other things, Lot took it upon himself to deflower his daughters instead of turning them loose to the crowd outside of his house.

Tell you what, bubba. If you happen to be reading this, why don't you take it upon yourself to do something worthy of Biblical teachings. Start off by feeding someone who is hungry and work your way up to giving hospitality to the sick and dying. If you have enough free time to call up my show and bemoan and cry about the "immorality" of people loving one another, then obviously you aren't getting your priorities straight.

Alright. Rant-Mode© is over.

I've been spending some time thinking of what i can do to bring the show back on track. As if it was ever ON track to begin with. Hindsight tells me that my best shows are generally where i have a partner with me. Melissa and Lila aren't availible anymore and since moving back from SF, my circle of friends have diminished significantly. So... if you happen to be a woman with some confidence who would like to see what life is like on the OTHER side of the camera, please let me know.

"Shelly, you sexist pig! How dare you want only women!" Okay, i know that's going to happen eventually so let me put a bullet in that question here and now. Box of Bugs is about personal experiences. Having a guy (me usually) and a woman on the set allows for the perspective of a man and a woman. It works out better that way, though i would be more than glad to let people i know and trust take over the show for me now and then. Boy/ Girl, Girl/ Girl, Boy/ Boy. It doesn't matter to me as long as the quality is maintained.

On a very somber and personal note, i was driving home and listening to KMFA. They were playing Gorecki's Symphony No. 3. The Symphony of Sorrowful Songs. of all pieces to play... why that one?

There are two, maybe three points in my life when i can say, "Something fundamental changed in me at this point." The most recent was a little more than a year ago as i gazed upon the body of my grandfather before he was creamated. The other was several years ago as i had confronted something from my past, let it go and learned to love the woman i was with. That time was Thanksgiving eve many years ago. It was a cold day with spatterings of heavy raindrops here and there. A deep thick grey blanket had consumed Austin and all of central Texas and as she and i drove to Houston to have Thanksgiving at my family's place in Houston, we listened to this symphony that neither of us had ever heard.

Of course there is much to this story that i will not share, but suffice it to say that Gorecki's Symphony No. 3 is one of the deepest, most stirring and profound experiences that i have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I simply cannot recommend this composition enough.

So take it upon yourself to find and buy this work. Wait until some night when the twilight is a mixture of darkness, cold, rain and listen to it. You will not regret it.

 

 

11 january 2000 :: Stop Californicating Austin !©

Just read it over and over. If you're from California and you've done nothing but bring your repressed, spiritually void, uber conservative California hick values to Austin, then please find I-35 and drive south until you hit San Antonio or take the same road and drive north until you find Dallas. Just please leave Austin before you contaminate it any further.

If you happen to be one of the few who came here from California (or elsewhere) and you have something to contribute to the culture of Austin, then please stay. Wear your cowboy boots, your Birkenstocks or whathaveyou, sit on your front porch as the sun goes down and enjoy a Shiner Bock.

 

 

29 january 2000 :: Nothing to say
By definition, the title of today's entry versus the fact that there's something to read may indicate something of a contradiction. The reality is that i haven't written anything here in the last couple of weeks because the last couple of shows have been dull at best. Well, that's not entirely true, but they haven't been all that inspiring.